a colored spectrum

a dedication

i could still cry when i think of you. it's been a good year together.
it's been many months already. it still hurts like a fresh wound.
i'm very sorry that i've hurt you so much so deeply. i can't get over it.

a walk in campus is never the same again, because there's no longer a destination.
there is no one for me to look forward to seeing. there was nothing to look forward to.

once upon a time it used to be meeting right after class, a pat on the head, going for lunch and coffee then rushing off to lessons again. i was happy. i hope you were happy too.

lately sitting alone in the lab, i look forward to your sms.
waiting hopefully that you'll say something caring. sometimes the wait doesn't come.
maybe the wait came and went.

Phuture reopened last nite.
you used to alwiz say Phuture reminds me of Jared,
then Velvet would remind me of you. coz we spent alot of clubbing nites there together.
we did build lovely memories together, however it was often overlooked.

trips we went on together. you driving and me whining.
shopping at Orchard hand in hand, you complaining about traffic and me looking at clothes.
having pizza at Holland Village and skipping class for Dim Sum is a thing of the past.
i hardly see you nowadays.

the hollow in your shoulders was my resting place. your chest was a shelter from the storm.
snuggling beside you was the highest form of security.
i never knew why i could fall asleep peacefully with you by my side except that i feel safe and protected.

you commented that i've mellowed down and seemed less happy.
maybe because there simply is nothing for me to be happy about,
and i'd rather keep quiet than say the wrong thing at the wrong time at the wrong place.

i used to nag at you for a whole lot of things.
from you wearing the same colored top as i did, you eating all the time, you not exercising, you not studying hard enough. you and your immatured jokes. then it went to the other extreme of you lacking an ambition and a drive.

i failed to accept you for who you are anymore.
i wanted you to become who i wanted you to be, comparing you against your peers.
to be successful, high-flying and ambitious. just like everyone else.

i failed to treasure the unassuming, loving Joshua for who he is. that simplicity within.
the Joshua who never bore grudges, was alwiz forgiving, alwiz taking me back into his arms when i fell down and hurt myself. he never said "i told you so". he only said "i love you still".

it is only when you lose something, then you'll see fully the goodness of what you lost.

posted by Veen @ 15:10